Saturday, September 19, 2015

Dinner for One

What do you mean its that time again? I just did this five  years ago, didn't you see enough of me then? I mean...all of me? You bet you , ya did! And here we go again!
The dreaded dinner not even fit for a queen has been prescribed to drink tomorrow night. I really would like to share  it with any of my family and friends who want to be a sport and help me get rid of it. Speaking of getting rid of something, I will be!
I hate having a Upper EGD  and lower Colonoscopy. What doctor in their right mind went to school saying on the first day, "I think I want to look where crap has been?"
This is the most degrading test a human being is put through, granted it has saved millions of lives, your saying to yourself. Have you had one before? This is my third. Let me tell you what my next two days will be like....
First, I will wake up to the smell of coffee brewing and eggs and bacon, but I wont get any. Not that my husband is greedy and wanting it all to himself, but he will have my breakfast ready also. Water and Jello. Perfect! Then after church for lunch I get some more jello and 7-up and if I eat all my lunch I get a popsicle. At 4 p.m. I have to start drinking a gallon of  Colyte/NuLytely, the foulest drink you have ever swallowed in your life. I'm gagging just thinking about it. Did I say it was one gallon? One glass every 10 minutes until half a gallon or three hours have passed. Between those glasses I can still enjoy the sipping of coke, 7-up, lemonade, and water. That's if I can stay off the thrown long enough to get back to the kitchen. Then after time has passed a bit, and that's not all that will be passing...I have to start all over again Monday morning at 6 a.m. and finish the other half of the poison. I won't be getting anything else after 8 a.m. and will be leaving for Shreveport where , get this...the humiliation is not over with yet.
They take your clothes and jewelry away like a prisoner. Start an IV and ask you do you have any questions before they rush you away to a cold room with glaring eyes from several people who are strangers. Wait a minute, is this the death chair, sounds like a prison execution, right? My sweet husband told me last time I had this done , If I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth, that means they used the same tube down my throat as they did up my……That's an Obama health cut, I'm sure!
So, if you have any liquid recipes please tell them to me by text tonight. Fill free to swing by for dinner and I will be more than happy to make you a drink on the rocks for your very own. I have a gallon, it will serve many of you! If you don't hear from me again, ya know things went wrong and they those strangers I mentioned are still standing around saying...OOPPS!